sometimes i wonder to myself
why do i keep going back and allowing myself to feel like this.
again and again and again.
somehow its a magnetic effect that draws me back.
i can hardly ever sleep without seeing you first in the blank space of my mind.
and its delibilating me.
i can't think straight.
i can't eat right.
i can't sleep well.
time and time i've told myself that i should just let you go.
i've been trying so hard but it just won't go away.
everywhere i go.
everything i do.
i feel that you're next to me.
or do i feel that way.
i've been trying to start my life fresh,
start my life anew.
but i falter each and every time.
today was no different.
i wake up in the morning,
and try to tell myself that it's a new day,
new things are gonna happen.
but when i heard the song that i've posted a few hours back on my ipod in the bus.
it just went downhill from there.
some of you would probably think,
what's so good to get so sad and all depressed over a girl.
there are so many out there.
but how many times do you meet a girl,
whom you've liked since you were 14.
whom you've loved from afar even when she wasn't with you.
tell me how do you ever break away from that.
tell me how.
tell me.
i wish i could get out of this pain.
its making me live like im neither here not there.
and its killing me.
twisting and turning me inside out.
i just want to get rid of this pain.
but somehow i know that with the current state im in.
its just not possible.
i guess i only have myself to blame for this.
i wish my 300th posts on these blank walls could have been much happier. but knowing that you've moved on to a happier life makes this so much bittersweet.God, please just really help me, i've done all that is humanly possible already, and i can't take this any more longer.
